wisdomfromthesisterhood

The Sisterhood is a place to bring your cup of coffee to. Heck, bring the whole pot :). Sit down, relax, and fall in for a while. No divas or meanies allowed. It's about boy brain, kiddos, food, one crazy labrador, autism and a cat in recovery from a back tire incident. Oh the places you'll go :)

Reasons To Love Autism: Moment #31

on September 24, 2012

As we are cutting the pizza tonight and the kids are waiting for their plates it happens once again.  From straight of the blue, the boy throws this one at me…

My boy: Mom, why did you give my 100 time outs when we lived in Florida?

Mom:  Huh?  You have never had 100 time outs and,buddy, that was six years ago at least!

My boy: Yeah… but I did.  You gave me 100 time outs in one day.  It was nearing Christmas time.

Mom:  In one day?  There is no way.  Did you really count?  100 seems quite high.

My boy:  But I remember them.  I just don’t remember why.

Mom: It was six years ago, buddy, but I do know they only time I gave you time outs was when  you were either yelling at mom, not following directions or refusing to do your homework .  100 time outs, huh?

My boy:  Yeah, mom, 100 time outs in one day.  It was almost Christmas time.

Mom: Oh, my friend, you have never had 100 time outs in one day.  NOT ever.  It’s impossible.

My boy: But I remember.

And, although there is humor here, this is one of the places where the memory and the speech delays leave us unable to decipher what really happened here.  He has a phenomenal memory, uncanny really, and much better than mine but sometimes it’s near impossible to get the whole picture.

Common sense and my parenting style tell me this is not true and yet I know he remembers what he thinks is 100 time outs in one day near Christmas when we lived in Florida.  But, no matter how much I question him to try and ferret out the real story, it is not happening.  His memory, even with my support, will probably never give him the answer he is looking for.  And, yet I love that he remembers this, I love the depths at which his memory travels and I love that he is absolutely emphatic about the memory.  It could be that it was all part of a vivid dream he had, it could be part of a movie he watched once upon a time, it could be part of a day he had that he misunderstood because his receptive and expressive language development are so delayed but, whatever is giving him this memory, we will probably never have the speech and memory skills to pull it out fully.  Perhaps he misunderstood what I was saying but, despite this,  his understanding is what remains intact in his memory.

Even though I don’t get everything in his memory, I like that I get most of it and I spend enough time with him so that what he doesn’t remember or understand, I usually do… and can help him to figure out the memory or the experience he remembers pieces of.  That is another reason why being at home with an autistic child or on call with the school is pretty critical.  No one gets him like you do.

Autism is uncanny like that and that’s why it’s so important to try to decipher what is upsetting younger children.  What you deem a behavior challenge, aggression or defiance could very well be a child upset because they have misunderstood something you have said or done.  Autism always keeps you on your toes if you truly understand it and I am not sure many people fully understand the far reaching depths of its complicated nature.  That is why I keep working on my end of the bargain and he keeps enlightening and educating me on his end :).

 

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